Parental rejection is the active or passive pushing away of a child by a parent. Thanks to culturally induced changes in this generation’s family structures and the ways we are raising our children it’s becoming a subject of interest to a wide spectrum of constituencies, from academicians to screenwriters. A preject is a parental reject, a person who suffers from parental rejection. The term fits our culture’s fascination with shortcuts, nicknames, timesavers, and condensing huge concepts into tiny sound bites. It also hints subtly and subliminally at the process of this rejection, suggesting that the seeds of the behavior were planted and present BEFORE the child was even born; a predetermined or predicted rejection if you will. Most prejects never stood a chance to be fully loved and accepted because they were born into a perfect storm of circumstances that made it impossible for their parents to marshall the skill and care necessary to raise a child with a whole soul. The premise of parental rejection and the preject behavior it inspires is pretty simple: – we are all born with a capacity for the intangible (a soul) – that capacity is most influenced by parental relationships in the growth years – good parenting enhances, and bad parenting damages that capacity Here is a look at what to expect in 7 key categories of life from prejects who have been damaged by bad parenting to varying degrees. If you recognize yourself head on over to theprejecttest.com and see just how bad the damage is. Don’t worry I also have some suggestions about how to fix the damage: What Prejects do when they are: –Cracked – they start well but can’t/don’t finish; they make premature deliveries in multiple life areas –Broken – they don’t start well; they are self-destructive; they are conflict/drama driven; and neurotic –Shattered – they have no positive organization; they are destructive to others; and psychotic –Healed – they start & finish; they are constructive; and timely; and adjusted Parent relationships when Prejects are: –Cracked – they are in touch but growing distant; they have a hollow, vaguely satisfying feeling –Broken – they are out of touch; have infrequent, strained contact; carry a painful feeling –Shattered – they are out of touch/institutionalized; there is no contact; marked by a hostile feeling –Healed – marked by restored unreconciled relationship; controlled contact; and a hopeful feeling Achievement when Prejects are: –Cracked – diminishing/declining; unfulfilled promise; frustrated ambition –Broken – stunted; nothing significant; loss/lack of ambition –Shattered – failure; loser expectations; anti-achievement & anti-social identity –Healed – marked by later/catch-up achievement; restored ambition; skill acquisition Career Satisfaction when Prejects are: –Cracked – disillusionment –Broken – disenchantment; dissatisfaction –Shattered – disaffected; detached; no expectation for a career or satisfaction Marriage & Family Relationships when Prejects are: –Cracked – entropized; disintegrating; losing meaning & support –Broken – disconnected; burdensome; difficult –Shattered – in disrepair; destructive; dead –Healed – renewal; supportive; affirming; growing potential Parenting practices & outcomes when Prejects are: –Cracked – abandonment of family rituals; rejection of family values in late teens –Broken – no rituals established; no values transmitted –Shattered – ritual pain infliction; destructive parenting; tortured offspring –Healed – creating family rituals; revisiting family values in early adulthood Ability to meaningfully connect with others when Prejects are: –Cracked – growing isolation; narrowing of social circles; introversion; substitutes –Broken – disconnection; extreme loner behavior; imagined communities; keeping people at bay –Shattered – conflict; menace to society; often drives people away –Healed – building community; balance of introversion & extroversion; attracts people If you believe you are a preject and would like more information on what to do to feel better and heal, e-mail me here and take your next step to wholeness.